Survive Another Day
Blood, death, gas,
Running out to the trenches
The smell of sweat, fear and death does not pass
BOOM
We were dropping dead at all edges, like dried leafs falling from a tree
Glancing around, making sure that we don’t miss bomb blast or gun shot.
Fear, weapons, destruction,
Gun shots came from every direction,
And cries for help from everywhere,
The weapons are monsters, waiting to tear us apart
Soldiers were hiding and fighting,
Doing their best to survive another day.
Alliances, hopes, dreams
We all were fighting for the same reasons,
Shattered dreams, and hope.
The sound of the whistle that marks the start
SSSSSSSSSS
It wasn’t the first time we heard it, there was no time to think
Running as fast as the speed of light, knowing that our time is running out,
We tried to cross the battle field
Shouts, cries, death
But we weren’t giving up, not giving up,
Only our pride stood in the way,
But we weren’t giving up, never.
Pictures from:
http://www.chemical-corps.org/history/images/GasAttack-%20WWI%20(538x406).jpg
http://www.gwpda.org/photos/bin07/imag0696.jpg
http://www.bharat-rakshak.com/LAND-FORCES/Army/Images/0377.jpg
http://www.aeragon.com/00/01/WwiBattlefield-420.jpg
http://www.besmark.com/ww1battl.gif
2 comments:
I think that you used some very good poetic devices such as similes and repetition, onomatopoeia and some good imagery. Maybe you line breaks could make more sense. A lot of good sensory detail. You add a bit more emotion in some areas but overall it was a very good poem. Good job. Also some hyperbole would fit in sometimes. Maybe some more metaphor. You title fits in well with the whole scheme of the entire piece. Sometimes it got confusing and uninteresting so add in some more surprising details but over all it was a very good attempt! GOOD JOB
you could improve with line breaks especially in the first stanza. and i liked when you put series of words in the beginning of each stanzas. and also used sensory details in some parts.i also thought pictures were relevant to the poem.:)you could remove some unnecessary words like "a, like, when, is, etc."
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